i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
