mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
