its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
