pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
