Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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