You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
