I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
