So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
