operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
