When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
