alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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