i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
