I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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