One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
