The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
