There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
