I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
