The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
