Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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