At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
