he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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