i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
