So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
