OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
