1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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