i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
