i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
