i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
