How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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