Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
