You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
