I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
