he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
