he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
