I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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