You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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