look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
