Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
did i just pee glitter
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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