I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
