I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
