Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
