Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
