Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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