I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
