Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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