Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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