he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
there is glitter all over my balls
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
