my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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