you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
