my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
operation have a gay friend backfired
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Houston, we have a squirter
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
