We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is Oprah even human
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
